Passing Thoughts
by Cameo Vincenti
Summary: What is Death like? I kill criminals day and night, see them die with my own eyes, but I haven't the faintest idea what it's like on the Other Side...


I was trying to sleep just now and I started thinking about Death and stuff. It's very rambly, as my thoughts tend to be (in this case, they're Raito's). If you have trouble keeping up, that's ok, I just wrote this and even I have trouble making out the cryptic messages I'm trying to convey. Please note I'm not attempting to bash on anyones religion or beliefs. These are my own personal thoughts, things that I've considered at times. Who's to say if I'm right or wrong? Please review, I'm fairly new to writing first person stuff and I'd like some feedback.

C. Vincenti

* * *

Every human asks this question. What is Death like? It's only natural. We are mortal, we expire. I'm well aware of all this, probably better than most of the people who inhabit this Earth. Obviously. Even before finding the Notebook I was all too aware of the death around me. Why is it, I wonder, that the news only seems interested in broadcasting killings and death?

How morbid.

I turn on the news to find out what's happening, not to hear what has ended. I know what I'm doing ends up on the news. Yes, it is death, but my judgement isn't the same! Before it was just another person killed, now it is the purging of evil, and death can now be looked upon as a good thing. Right? It's not the same anymore, people can watch the news and see for themselves another criminal brought to justice, and think of death in a better light. It gives the people hope, making death seem like a beneficial thing rather than a terrifying one. For criminals, it has the opposite effect. They see another one like them fall, killed by Kira, and they cower and tremble in fear, too afraid to even think that such a fate would befall them.

Those who are evil die.

Those in the middle, the ones who could have become criminals, see bad people dropping like flies, and reconsider their actions. They become good.

Those who are good live peacefully.

But it makes me wonder still...back to my initial question, and the question everyone asks sometime before the inevitable. What is Death like? I kill criminals day and night, see them die with my own eyes, but I haven't the faintest idea what it's like on the Other Side. I'm not an overly religious person. Hell, I stopped going to church when I was around ten. Didn't like it, too stuffy and uptight. But what if that's it? What if there is a Heaven and Hell? Is it what the church makes it out to be? Heaven: a beautiful, tranquil Eden of sorts with angels and singing or something...Hell: burning fire, maniacal laughter coming from Satan himself as he watches you suffer in agony. Ugh, I wouldn't take either of those choices.

Well, wait, what about Purgatory? The 'middle ground', for those who were neither innately good nor innately bad? What would that be like...Does one drift around in the physical world like a ghost? Or perhaps it's a separate world from ours...Maybe it's all fog, with nothing for miles. The Shinigami realm could probably pass as Purgatory. Oh, what about this. It's identical to this world, but everything is 'average'. Nothing there is exceptional in any way, much in the likeness of the people who would inhabit it. Weather is cloudy and mild, food is adequate but not that tasty, nothing exciting happens, no one has to deal with normal everyday issues like traffic and deadlines. Things always run smoothly and no one makes a fuss. No one is happy, but no one is sad.

I'm sure some people would consider that Heaven in itself. I don't think I could stand such a place. Well, like I would even be sent there, I'm far from average and what I'm doing is definitely a righteous thing. But I don't want to go to Heaven if that's what it's like!

Who's to say that's what Heaven is like in actuality? Has anyone sent a note or come back from the dead, raving about how peaceful and relaxing and perfect Heaven is? I think Heaven could be anything you want it to be. If you wanted striped flying hippos in your Heaven, there would be striped flying hippos. Just as an example. I don't know what I would want in my Heaven. I guess I'd want my current reality to be my Heaven.

And in Heaven, would you feel like you were dreaming, or would it be just as real as when you're awake?

Why should it be limited to just Heaven and Hell? What about reincarnation...Karma and all that stuff...Would what I'm doing be considered bad for my karma? Killing people, even if they themselves are bad? I don't think so. It's good karma to rid the world of those who are unjust and evil, I believe. So when I die, I would be reincarnated as someone or something that is good. What would that be?

I seem to be asking more questions than I am getting answers. How surprising.

Is it true what they say, that we are made of three components: body, mind and spirit? When we die, the body and mind die together. They cannot live without each other. I'd have to imagine the spirit goes somewhere, even if it's not that wonderful Purgatory or being brought back as a beautiful tree or something.

Those paranormal experts are BS. Maybe ghosts exist, maybe we can communicate with them, but the way they go about doing it would piss off my departed spirit. I'd haunt them, torment them just enough so they know what they're doing is stupid and no one buys it. Well, wait, isn't the spirit supposed to be attached to something? During our lives, there is always something that we were most attracted to or obsessed with...If Misa died her spirit would probably follow me around for all eternity. Ugh. Do not want. What would mine be? What would I linger around and haunt...

...L's grave...?

Scary.

But I can't think of anything else.

Alright, so what if the atheists have it all right and there's just nothing after we die? Just nothing, we die and our bodies are all that remain, then it rots into the ground and plants grow out of it and the whole 'cycle of life' starts over. I can't believe people like that exist. How can they think such things? There has to be something after life! I can't say that I know what it is, but I know there's something.

Whoa, wait, I just realized I've been talking about all the possibilities after death, but I forgot to address the initial question. What is Death like? Right, sure, you go somewhere or do something after the fact, but what's the actual process like?

Here's where we have absolutely nothing to go by. You can't exactly ask someone who's already died. Some people have near-death experiences, but don't they usually not remember, or don't want to talk about it, or go off rambling about the cliched 'light at the end of a tunnel' thing? No! The tunnel thing doesn't answer my question! I refuse to believe that's what happens!

Is it peaceful, though? Like falling asleep, then waking up and you know you're dead but that's ok. Are you unaware of it actually happening, like one minute your sitting and talking and then after a while you just know you're dead? Or like anesthesia...you know it's happening, you're going under, but no matter how hard you try you can't remember when it happens or what occurs just before it. Is Death like that?

I sure hope it's not violent. I mean, the means of death might be, but not the death itself. I'm not actually looking forward to my demise, surprise surprise. Most humans don't want to consider the fact that death is inevitable and will happen no matter what they do. It's not so much even the fact that I won't be able to watch my New World grow and thrive. But...What exactly is it then?

I guess...

I guess that when I die, I will just miss living.

I don't have anything better to think of.

Well, I have the rest of my life to think about that, so I'll likely come up with an answer sometime.


End file.
